


Missing

by FairyLights101



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Depression, Dysphoria, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 07:51:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11687265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyLights101/pseuds/FairyLights101
Summary: Why would they miss me?They had each other. Didn’t need Semi, helpless, second-best, never good enough.





	Missing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deducingontheroof](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deducingontheroof/gifts).



> Charlie donated to my ko-fi for some angst, so I wrote them some semishiraten~ If you want to find out how to support me, please go [here](http://fairylights101writes.tumblr.com/commissions)!

Semi closed their eyes. Tried to block out the knocking, too loud, too persistent, as they pulled the blankets a little tighter around themself and hunkered in a little further. Their cold fingers slipped back into the cocoon of warmth, a little too hot, but they didn’t care - there wasn’t enough energy to throw the blankets, much less get out of bed, or do much else for that matter. They sighed. Shook their head and turned so they could bury their face into their pillow, a weak, shaky breath shuddering out. 

The knocking didn’t stop. 

Of course it wouldn’t stop - it was  _ Tendou _ out there, and he never knew when to give up. 

“Semisemi!” he called, “C’mon, just lemme in! Please?” 

Their hands clenched.  _ I don’t want to.  _ They didn’t want anyone to see them in all of their disgusting glory, see how far they’d let themself descend. Their room hadn’t been cleaned in weeks, smelled stale, had too much trash and papers scattered everywhere, clothes that hadn’t been washed in who knew how long. A slow decay that had swept them up, had left them reeling until the apathy had come too, and they hadn’t been able to care. And now it had resulted in this, skipping plans, even missing schools and practices. 

_ Not that it matters. No one misses me.  _

Sure, Tendou was outside their room, but that was only because he’d probably run out of people to harass and wanted to drag Semi out on some new, ridiculous adventure they didn’t have the energy or willpower for. As for the rest of the team, they all had better things to do than worry about the lowly pinch server, the third year who was no longer good enough, the- 

“Oi, Eita, open the fuck up.” 

Their eyes flicked open and they glanced to the door, drawn by the new voice. By  _ Shirabu’s  _ voice.  _ What is he doing here?  _ Shirabu shouldn’t care, should be more focused on his schoolwork, on Ushijima, on his setting, his  _ starting position,  _ on anything  _ but _ Semi. 

But  _ of course _ Tendou and Shirabu were together - the most unlikely of couples, but practically inseparable with how Tendou could be, clinging to Shirabu like a vine. And it made jealousy and weariness spark in Semi’s stomach, the thought of the two people they liked a little too much to be healthy being together. Them being alone, watching Shirabu and Tendou and wanting nothing more than to be a part of that.  _ Impossible.  _

“Look, Eita… just, let us in. We’re just bringing you some food.” 

Semi curled their hands over their stomach. They hadn’t felt hungry in days except for once, at two in the morning, and that had left them gagging when they’d tried. They just couldn’t bear the thought of food, couldn’t stand the idea of trying anymore. They rolled over. They could hear the sound of voices, just outside, muted, indistinct, too soft for them to hear. They closed their eyes once more. 

Something scraped against metal. 

The lock clicked. 

They shot upright, pillow in hand, and hurled it at the door as it opened, but Tendou caught it easily, pulled it to his chest - revealed eyes that were puffy and swollen and tear-stained cheeks and a bright, sweet smile. “Hey, Semisemi,” he croaked. 

Fingers touched his shoulder, pushed him further inside, and Shirabu stepped in, shut the door. His nose didn’t crinkle, even as his eyes swept across the room. He just looked sad, a surprising thing for Shirabu - Semi had been sure Shirabu didn’t care for them, what, with how often they were at each other’s throats, with how focused Shirabu was on his grades and Ushijima and everything  _ but _ them. 

Semi scowled and shuffled back on their bed, pressed themself into the corner and watched as Shirabu picked his way across the room, through the chaos Semi had let grow, so he could set a bag of things on Semi’s mini fridge. They watched with dull eyes as Shirabu pulled things out - packages of sour candies, bottles of water, a can of soda, a plastic container filled with- “Tekka maki,” Shirabu confirmed with a pointed look at them as he set it down and pulled out a few more things before he set the bag aside, and turned to Semi. 

His hands fluttered before they balled into fists, and he couldn’t quite meet Semi’s gaze, but it was enough to see the redness around his eyes, to see the uncertainty flickering across his face. “Look… we know you haven’t been doing well lately, and we just… wanted you to know that you’re not alone. I’m sorry we’re invading your space, but we just wanted to check on you… and… I don’t know, just…” 

“Just wanted to see you, Semisemi,” Tendou whispered, hoarse. 

Semi felt their heart give a vicious twist, and they almost couldn’t meet his gaze as they pulled their knees into their chest, tugged their sleeves down a little further. Shirabu stepped a little closer, hesitant, and set their hands on the edge of the bed. He’d picked the skin around his nails raw - something he only did when he was nervous.  _ Fuck, this is all my fault, isn’t it?  _ Semi squeezed their hands tight as they glanced up at Shirabu. 

“You… you don’t have to talk with us, but…” Shirabu murmured.

Semi nodded slowly. Opened their mouth, jaw sore. The first try produced a weak, pathetic imitation of speech, and they swallowed, tried again. Got it on the third try. “I don’t… I don’t want to.” 

“That’s okay!” Tendou said, a little too loudly, and he cringed instantly, but he barreled on. “Can we just… I dunno, stay here with you for a bit? Don’t have to do anything, I just miss-” Tendou clammed up in an instant, a flush overtaking his face, and he glanced away, worrying his bandaged fingers as Shirabu glanced over, a small blush overtaking his cheeks too. 

_ Why would they miss me?  _ They had each other. Didn’t need Semi, helpless, second-best, never good enough. 

Semi shrugged, listless. “Whatever.” 

Shirabu’s fingers curled in their sheets. “Can I get up?” 

Semi blinked at him, frozen.  _ Why?  _ Why, whenever they were trying to bury their emotions, their affections, did Shirabu and Tendou always seem to somehow know and make it so much worse, infinitely harder, Shirabu with those stupidly big, soft eyes and pouty lips that spread into a tiny, sweet smile when Semi nodded, unable to resist. Shirabu hefted himself up settled in. Semi was only grateful that they’d thought to change the sheets a few days before, on a whim, even if they hadn’t showered. Shirabu didn’t touch them, just waited until they cautiously slithered out of their hunched up position in the corner and settled down, back to Shirabu. 

They could hear Shirabu and Tendou breathing. Could feel the weight of their eyes on the back of their head. They closed theirs. Fingers brushed their shoulder. “Can I hug you?” Semi grunted, and Shirabu took that for a yes, an arm wrapping around Semi a second later, pulling them close. 

The bed shifted again, creaking a little, a sniffle coming with it, and then a second hand joined, larger, more bony, and Tendou squeezed Semi’s shoulder. “Hey there, Semisemi,” he whispered. 

“Shut it, lizard boy,” they grumbled halfheartedly. 

A giggle burst out, shaking the three of them, and Semi screwed their eyes shut tight. Tried to ignore the heat in their cheeks, the delightful feelings bubbling in their chest.  _ Don’t. It doesn’t mean anything.  _ None of it did. And that was the sad, horrible truth. The touches were just a way to express their concern, just like them showing up and Shirabu picking their lock like a little shit and them bringing them food and knowing that they had been  _ crying and-  _

Semi sucked down a breath, buried their nails into their hands. Let those hands squeeze them, reassuring, and didn’t dare breathe a word as Shirabu and Tendou continued to touch them, press close, remind them that they were there.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, leave a comment, and hit me up at [tumblr](http://fairylights101writes.tumblr.com/)!


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